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Sofia Vergara is celebrating her 41st birthday on the set of her new movie CHEF, where she was filming what looks like the greatest homecoming ever on her special day. I don't know about you, but a big, happy smile along with a healthy pair of tits hanging out sounds like the best kind of welcome home I can imagine. Anyway, it's much better than the greeting I receive. About the closest thing to warmth in my single serving house is the stifling heat generated thanks to a dodgy HVAC system. Fall and winter is much better. In those months I get to come home to a silent, darkened hovel, mostly empty except for the strewn about clutter of various half-opened shipping boxes from assorted online retailers, containing things I forgot I bought while browsing the web with insomnia at 3 am. Empty cabinets, broken mirrors, bare walls decorated in nothing but cobwebs. Very much a Dickensian lifestyle for the 21st century.

Okay, I'm exaggerating. I think I've put up a few pictures in the hallway. I accidentally broke the mirror in the bathroom when I tripped on the bath mat and the cobwebs are over in the corner behind the couch where I can't reach them. Still, it's nothing like having Sofia around, flashing her tits at me. I do order a lot of shit off the web though. That part's true.

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Sofia Vergara Mini Biography

Born in Barranquilla, Colombia on July 10, 1972, Sofía Vergara got her acting star as a television personality in the late 1990s. In the early 2000s, she became known as a film actress, following the 2002 film Big Trouble, starring alongside Tim Allen and Rene Russo; and 2003's Chasing Papi, in which Vergara plays one of Thomas Fuentes's three girlfriends.

By the end of the decade, Vergara had starred in two films that were directed by Tyler Perry, Meet the Browns and Madea Goes to Jail, in 2008 and 2009, respectively. Also in 2009, the Hispanic actress debuted on the Broadway stage, playing Mama Morton in Chicago, and began playing the s**y Gloria Delgado-Pritchett on the ABC program Modern Family.

Modern Family was an instant hit, commercially and critically, and soon won several Emmy Awards. In 2011, Vergara was nominated for an Emmy (for outstanding supporting actress in a comedy series). That same year, she voiced the role of Carmen in Happy Feet 2—a sequel to the 2006 Warner Bros. film Happy Feet—and landed a part in The Smurfs.

According to her website, Vergara has been deemed "one of the most talented and powerful women in Hispanic entertainment" by Billboard magazine, and has been named among The New York Times' renowned "Faces to Watch" list.

In July 2012, Vergara became engaged to Nick Loeb, a New Yorker and film production company co-owner. Vergara currently resides in Los Angeles, California with her son, Manolo